Feel stressful ? No way

I went to see a good friend of mine today. She went to hospital for several days after having a very bad vertigo. She went through many medical checks, eg. EEG, blood check, etcetera. It was found that there is a minor imbalance in her brain which is caused by many reasons, especially her diet. But from our conversation, I found out that her burden of getting through many obstacles in her daily routine is the main cause of her sickness. Both of her children went to high school and junior high school. We all know that there is a very tight competition amongst students in Jakarta to get into a good school. This makes many parents feel worry about their children. Last year, when my niece was expelled twice from the selected high school, my mother had a very high blood pressure. There are also some issues in her office that absorbed much of her energy. All this stressful feeling mounted little by little, then it exploded till she got vertigo and went to hospital.

It is very humanly that we feel stressful. When we realize that there are so many obstacles or when things turn out to be different to our expectations, that is when this feeling begins. People will react differently to handle this stressful feeling. Some will eat a lot, sleep a lot, sing a lot, scream a lot, cry a lot or even laugh a lot. Or just like my friend, say nothing but then suddenly go to a hospital. Which one is yours ?

Long time a go, when I faced failures that made me to feel stressful, I slept a lot and I cried a lot. And I also did a lot of fasting. Fasting itself is a kind of my family rituals. Each member of my family loves fasting. But I realized that all I can do is just facing everything and hope God will always stay besides me. Though I was so nervous, but I kept pushing myself to be a strong person. When time goes by, at the moment, I don’t recognize the word “failure”. The word “failure” is no more existed in my life. When my plan does not turn out to be what I expected, it means that God says “I have a better plan for you, Retno”. At least I have 2 important events that make me behaving like this.

Faculty of forestry was my second choice when I was in the university. The first one was department of agricultural machinery. I felt so sad that time, till I had a dream. In my dream, I walked under the trees’ canopies. It was after the rain and the sun light dispersed between leaves of the canopies. Most of photos or paintings that describe the beauty of forest would have this kind of pictures. But the most important thing is, I felt so happy in that dream. When I woke up, I felt that God just had a conversation with me. And now look at me. I work for protected areas. I will do everything to keep our natural resources maintained. I will make people to realize the importance to keep this world undamaged. When all the ecosystems are in balance, so do our life. If I went to agricultural machinery, I might would have been worked in a factory now. Making pollution to this world instead of making it clean. I would have a horrible life. Thanks God for sending me to faculty of forestry.

The second event was when my plan to go to US for my master degree was cancelled. I had my flight ticket in hand already. Suddenly, things were just blown up due to some administrative reasons. I was so stressful. I even felt the pain when I touched my head. I had it for almost a year. When all problems solved, I met a friend, Prof. Charles Santiapillai. An elephant expert who was also the director of WWF Indonesia at that time. He was wondering if I would like to do my master degree in UK. I said “sure, I would like to”. Then he gave me a piece of paper to be taken to the British Council. In that office I was interviewed for about 2 hours. After the interview, the guy at the BC said “Retno, you are the luckiest person in Indonesia. We’ve been trough selections for our scholarships in all over in Indonesia since February – it was in December. But there is still one place available, and fortunately, it is exactly for your field of interest. So Retno, welcome to the BC”. What ? That easy ? Unbelievable. It seemed like that the scholarship was just there for me. It was empty until I came by to pick up what belongs to me. So God has another plan for me.

Now I understand why I have to go to UK. You know I love travelling. Studying in UK enabled me to travel to many countries in Europe. Visiting many friends. Feeling the atmosphere of different countries, different faces, different cultures ! I felt so happy. I also have a very strong British accent when I speak English. This accent makes me to be accepted in particular group of people. Paul - my best friend from RARE - said that my accent belongs to the upper class society in UK. Once people speak to me, they will recognize that I’m coming from a good family with a good education. No wonder when I was in a seminar of oil companies’ participation in environmental conservation, at Twin Towers, Kuala Lumpur, during the dinner I shared table with the CEO of those oil companies, when my boss was seated far away at the back of the room. I said to the committee” why should I have to sit here ? I’m not an important person”. But the British guy from the committee insisted that I was important. When I had an interview with fullbright, the interviewers were wondering why I have such a strong accent. And I said “when I was in UK, I had a British boy friend. We might kissed too much”. Studying in UK also enabled me to stop by in Mecca for my “Umroh” on the way back home to Indonesia.

So now I have no reason to feel stressful anymore. No doubt there are problems in our daily life. Financial problem, family problem, education problem – this is my main problem now. But I know that every time I successfully pass a problem, I become a stronger person. And when thing does not turn out to be what I wanted, God has a better plan for me. For my better future.