I don’t like talking about sadness. I don’t like talking about death. All make me devastated. But as a human, whether we want it or not, death will approach you, and to the people you love, sooner or later. I just lost my beloved kitten, and I was almost devastated. The yellow, funny and lovely kitten, got sick on Wednesday. He vomited many times and refused to eat. I took him to the veterinary on Thursday evening and the guy said that my kitten needed an emergency surgery as he got problem with his prostate otherwise he would die. So I agreed. He did the surgery that night. The next day he was OK but very weak and the next morning he died.
I did not want to see his body. I was too sad. I cried every time I remember him. I think I was almost unconscious when the veterinary gave me a call. He was very closed to me. Sometime he slept in my hold. He liked to sleep on top of the fridge then called me loudly to give him a rub. He liked to put himself a half across our fences to observe the road. We had him since he was born. My sister pulled him slowly from his mother’s womb as his old mother had trouble to give a birth. When he was a couple month, my knees dropped him, he could not walk but then he recovered anyway. When he was 6 months, he played with his mother and brother by running around my bed whether I was there or not. When we just moved to Bogor, he was so afraid that I might leave him. He often slept on my lap and put his head on my chest. He fell asleep everywhere he liked, laid down on his back with his legs upright. He had a funny way of sitting as a fat man lay his back on the wall. Every time I saw his favorite spots, my eyes were watering again. I keep telling myself, he had gone, returned to his creator. The place where all the living creatures will return to. When my time comes, I will see him again. However during her pray, my sister saw him running around with his brother who died 6 months ago. He is happy now, no pain, no hunger, no other cats who often attack his small body. But there is no me who loves him so much.
When I lost my father the impact was worst. I avoid seeing any burials for quite a long time. It was a time when I came to the burial of my friend’s father. I was suddenly unconscious in the cemetery. So there were two bodies carried by people that time, the death person and me. I am strong for many things, challenges in work, facing people who break the rules, facing failures, no questions for all those things, except facing the death of people that I love.
But who can avoid a death? No human, no animal, no plant. All who have soul will die. It is all the matter of when, where and how. During the earthquake in Padang, 3 villages buried under landslide where 400 people were having wedding party there. In Haiti, a man survived for 10 days under the debris until people rescued him where about 200 thousand others lost their lives. Now, people are influenced by the rumor of 2012 the judgment day. In the film, technology solves the problem. Do you agree with that? I don’t. Technology is a tool controlled by human. But human’s soul is a tool controlled by God. For me, it does not matter whether I survive or not, I will be under God’s control anyway, on earth or in a place called heaven, hopefully. How to seduce God to always put me in a best place? Agus, my friend said “wet your lips with God’s names” and he will always be with you. I am doing it.
But human is a human with all the imperfectness. The sadness of losing someone, the loneliness for being abandoned, frustration for being failed, those things sometime make us to be uncontrolled. Put the blame to anything, including me to the veterinary. I wish I never sent my cat to him. But “kun fa ya kun” when God say something, so be it. When God wants to take my cat, nothing will stop him. Why do I have to be this sad when I lost my cat, how about loosing my mother. No way. But the day will come anyway. Who can avoid a death? No one.
Good bye my beloved lovely kitten. Good bye son. Be happy there with your brother. Someday we will meet again and you can sleep on my lap again. Bye, I love you.
