Good bye son

I don’t like talking about sadness. I don’t like talking about death. All make me devastated. But as a human, whether we want it or not, death will approach you, and to the people you love, sooner or later. I just lost my beloved kitten, and I was almost devastated. The yellow, funny and lovely kitten, got sick on Wednesday. He vomited many times and refused to eat. I took him to the veterinary on Thursday evening and the guy said that my kitten needed an emergency surgery as he got problem with his prostate otherwise he would die. So I agreed. He did the surgery that night. The next day he was OK but very weak and the next morning he died.

I did not want to see his body. I was too sad. I cried every time I remember him. I think I was almost unconscious when the veterinary gave me a call. He was very closed to me. Sometime he slept in my hold. He liked to sleep on top of the fridge then called me loudly to give him a rub. He liked to put himself a half across our fences to observe the road. We had him since he was born. My sister pulled him slowly from his mother’s womb as his old mother had trouble to give a birth. When he was a couple month, my knees dropped him, he could not walk but then he recovered anyway. When he was 6 months, he played with his mother and brother by running around my bed whether I was there or not. When we just moved to Bogor, he was so afraid that I might leave him. He often slept on my lap and put his head on my chest. He fell asleep everywhere he liked, laid down on his back with his legs upright. He had a funny way of sitting as a fat man lay his back on the wall. Every time I saw his favorite spots, my eyes were watering again. I keep telling myself, he had gone, returned to his creator. The place where all the living creatures will return to. When my time comes, I will see him again. However during her pray, my sister saw him running around with his brother who died 6 months ago. He is happy now, no pain, no hunger, no other cats who often attack his small body. But there is no me who loves him so much.

When I lost my father the impact was worst. I avoid seeing any burials for quite a long time. It was a time when I came to the burial of my friend’s father. I was suddenly unconscious in the cemetery. So there were two bodies carried by people that time, the death person and me. I am strong for many things, challenges in work, facing people who break the rules, facing failures, no questions for all those things, except facing the death of people that I love.

But who can avoid a death? No human, no animal, no plant. All who have soul will die. It is all the matter of when, where and how. During the earthquake in Padang, 3 villages buried under landslide where 400 people were having wedding party there. In Haiti, a man survived for 10 days under the debris until people rescued him where about 200 thousand others lost their lives. Now, people are influenced by the rumor of 2012 the judgment day. In the film, technology solves the problem. Do you agree with that? I don’t. Technology is a tool controlled by human. But human’s soul is a tool controlled by God. For me, it does not matter whether I survive or not, I will be under God’s control anyway, on earth or in a place called heaven, hopefully. How to seduce God to always put me in a best place? Agus, my friend said “wet your lips with God’s names” and he will always be with you. I am doing it.

But human is a human with all the imperfectness. The sadness of losing someone, the loneliness for being abandoned, frustration for being failed, those things sometime make us to be uncontrolled. Put the blame to anything, including me to the veterinary. I wish I never sent my cat to him. But “kun fa ya kun” when God say something, so be it. When God wants to take my cat, nothing will stop him. Why do I have to be this sad when I lost my cat, how about loosing my mother. No way. But the day will come anyway. Who can avoid a death? No one.

Good bye my beloved lovely kitten. Good bye son. Be happy there with your brother. Someday we will meet again and you can sleep on my lap again. Bye, I love you.

HAPKA XIV - foresters reunion

Morning departure

Dissimilar to the normal days, after my morning pray I didn’t go to bed again. I prepared to catch a bus at 6.30 AM at Bogor Agricultural University to go to Walat Mountain. Saturday, 31st November 2009, was the day where the faculty of forestry held a big reunion for the XIV times. The big reunion itself is held every 3 years. Attending the reunion means seeing from the first graduated foresters to the youngest ones. I arrived at 6.15 AM. But the bus departed at 7 o’clock since there were not so many people appeared. If I knew this, I might have taken a short nap this morning before leaving.

In 2 hours, 12 people in the bus arrived in Walat Mt – a small hill covered with big dammar trees used by students for their field practices in the Faculty of Forestry. Though during my studying year, I went to Walat Mountain mostly for my nature lovers’ group field activities. There are tremendous changes occurred in the mountain. Students mess which normally looked like huts, at the moment they look fancier. The kitchen that almost broke down now becomes a nice dining area. But the aula has the best change. Wooden floor and beautiful wooden ceiling make the aula looks very nice. Most of these renovation activities are donation from our alumnus. I stayed in a room for lecturers with a friend. Before sleeping we tried to have a chat. But I felt that my friend was so far away and whispered chat in the midnight didn’t work at all. We just realized the next day that the room is quite a big one, 3x5 meter square.

It is only less than a year after Budi - younger generations of forestry lecturers - holds the responsibility to manage the area. Everyone knows him as a smart person though he acts and speaks like a crazy guy. I will laugh till I couldn’t breathe when I hear him make jokes. His idea to catch people attention to go the mountain is “if you want to marry secretly, the mountain is the best place to do it”. He said that we will have a free of charge rate if we can take people from the highest echelon in the ministry of forestry to do this secret marriage. It is such a crazy idea !! We do not take this seriously. No one will be brave enough to take their secret lovers to the university’s facilities – the biggest agricultural university in Indonesia. It is not going to be a secret anymore as students are everywhere. These students will watch you and your secret lovers having fun. That’s foolish!. But eventually, the idea is not a joke for our minister since he is coming from one of the religious political parties. There are two possibilities, he is a very religious person or he has no sense of humor. Perhaps in a short time, Budi should launch another catching slogan to make people to come to the mountain.

In the future, Budi has a program to make Walat Mt belongs not only to the university, but also public in general. International mountain bike race will be held soon there. Facilities provided also available for different purposes, from nature lover groups requirement, family visit to a big seminar with natural surrounding environment – big dammar trees, monkeys and bird’s song. It is a good place to spend week end with family.

Indonesian motivator

One of Indonesian famous motivators – Mario Teguh – gave his presentation that day. Everyone was waiting for him. As normal, all speeches took so much time. Especially when you used to work for the government, the longer you spend your talk, the better as people will go to sleep. But Mario is a professional. For him, if the appointment is at twelve to one o’clock, it has to be started at twelve o’clock and finished at one o’clock. His schedule was 40 minutes late which made him to have only 20 minutes left to speak. This also made his rate much higher – his normal rate is US$ 100 per minute. Though at last he added an extra 15 minutes. He said that he was very sure everyone in this room is good friends to each other since when the speeches were executed slowly, no one complained. He said this with a tone of humor. Mario may be right, or perhaps he wants to make people to become punctual. But he forgot that we are Indonesians. 30 minutes to 1 hour late is forgivable. He is the one who should make an adjustment, or he can make a life in Singapore where everyone is punctual, not in Indonesia. We can make our own self punctual, but we can’t push an event that requires people to make speeches – including the minister - to be on time. There are too many factors that make things late especially when it is held in a remote area like Walat mountain. Be flexible, and you will have a better feeling of life.

Something I like about Mario Teguh is his wife. She is calm and elegance. With her smile, she observed her husband moving around the room and shake hands with everyone. She was very sure that her husband is under her spell. Her eyes shows her confidence that whatever her husband does, he is doing it for her, wherever her husband goes, he will return back to her. I envy her power to do such a thing. Or perhaps this is the way how love works. Love will make people do great things. Love brings you not only happiness but also satisfaction of achievement, for both you and your partner. People who love their leader will give her/him their trust to do great things for the benefit of all people. The leader will have her/his satisfaction of achievement when s/he can make people happy and make them more prosperous. Mario must be happy to have such an elegant wife as she looks happy and very expensive. In another word, love works both individually and collectively. Our national leader has all the love from the middle to lower class house wives in the country. Has he done any great things? Has he made people more prosperous? I have no comment. I look forward to fall in love and see how love can influence me and my future.

Mario also told the audiences that a husband who is very stingy to his wife will never become a rich and an extraordinary person. Family is the nucleus of happiness. Why on earth a man can’t treat his wife better when it is a man ultimate goal to have a happy family’s life with his children and a loving wife. A man who can’t appreciate his source of happiness is someone who can not appreciate life itself. His words were followed by applauses from all the women. I think he is right. I observe the people around me. I see that many of them who have good positions in my office are they are who obviously love and respect their wives. At least in front of us. When they have problem with their wives, they will stuck somewhere, less than their expectations.

Mario also said that people who have a good carrier are normally they are who are not really smart during school year. I totally agree. My roommate husband is a director though everyone knows that during his time in university he took longer duration of study than any other students as he had to re-do many classes. He was a playful and cheerful student and everyone likes him. His social networking and the way he treat the others may lead him to a good carrier.

For me, Mario messages are sometime similar to preaches from religious leaders but using different approaches. He explores the philosophical side of explanation. People listen to him more as he is more rational than religious leaders. Or perhaps, people are getting sick to see religious leaders who act contrary to what they say. For example, his concept of “I+God=enough” is another way of saying that I - with all of my attributes (achievement, position, wealth, etc) - will always be under God observation and God intervention. When the “I” believes that whatever s/he gets and s/he gives, they are all for God existence, it is enough for the “I” to have a good life, as God is the owner of life. He said, appreciate and support the others and life will give you good rewards. He tries to make people to be generous, make people to always have a positive attitude of life. He mentioned, if you want to be a great person, do great things for the others, select great people as your friends, have a good communication with yourself to make you a stronger person, etc. But sometime he is predictable. If you watch his program on TV regularly, you will recognize the framework of his messages, and you can predict what he is going to say.

During his talk, he asked many questions to the audience. But mostly he went to the left wing of the room where I was sitting in the right wing of the room. When he asked “what would you do when God guarantee no failure to you”. Nobody could answer it. I raised my hand. I know my answer. But he didn’t notice me or he pretended not to see me. I hope Mario read my blog and this is my answer. “ I will make people to love their nature; make people not to make any destruction to the world; make people appreciate others and do not hurt each other and hope these will lead people – all human being – to go to heaven. And I hope God doesn’t mind to manage a crowded heaven”.

Meet friends.

It was good seeing many friends during the university. Unfortunately, there were not so many from my year - we called 19th generation of foresters – came to the reunion. I spent my time more with them from the earlier year. I met Eka, she lives in west Sumatra now. I stayed in her house when I went to Bukit Barisan Selatan National Park in 1987. We have not met for more than 20 years. I met my roommate again when I was in the university’s dorm. She is a shy and nervous woman. She admitted that she was a bit unsure when she found out that she had to share a room with me – a free, active and chatty student. At last she found that our time to be together is the best time of her life. We always had something to discuss to, until more than midnight. Every single day. Though we have totally different personality, but we had a lot of fun together. She is my other sister.

On the first day of the reunion, after all of those ceremonial things, we chose our new coordinator of the alumnus. After an open screening process, in the end we had only 2 candidates and the audiences split into 2 groups. We yelled to each other for supporting our candidates. Felt like we were students again. The one who had more members of supporters then was elected as the coordinator. There were musical performances. Our former minister came to sing and dance with us in the evening on the first day. Unfortunately, on the second day - which was also Sunday where people normally have other family programs – after planting some trees and having outbound activities, people were leaving and only a few left after lunch. So for more than 2 hours, we occupied the event, a musical performance. Everyone took part by dancing and singing (see the picture). Even Odum - one of the lecturers, the most quiet and shy guy, - contributed a song. It was so fun.

An unpleasant situation occurred. On the first day, my lecture asked about my family and I said I am single. Then he asked me to marry him as he is divorced. What ? My answer was a big NO. He is an old guy. He will retire in about 3 months. Old people will die soon and I have no intention to marry a dying person. Besides, all students know that he is a womanizer. For me, marrying a womanizer is a bad idea. A few minutes later, other lecturer asked me to sit next to him. Yes Sir, what’s up? He said “Retno, Mr. X is sexually active at the moment. You should not reject him”. Oh dear ! These guys were serious. It’s OK if he is sexually active at the moment. But how about in the next 5 to 10 years? He will become an elderly person. Someone who needs somebody’s hand to walk, needs somebody’s hand to eat, even needs somebody’s hand to urinate. I’m not going to spend my future as an elderly nurse. 2 of my neighbors are doing that. The wives left their jobs as their retired husbands demand their full attention. If this happen to me, my purpose of life to make this world as a better place to live will fall into pieces. However, I’m amazed seeing those old guys during their retiring period, are thinking only about one thing. Sex. Is it the way they define a marriage? Is it the only thing they see from a woman? OMG

Finally, the reunion was good. It was fun to see old friends. Seeing the mountain again with all the big dammar trees. Musical performance is good. Although for me, it would be better to have a sport game, older generation versus younger generation. Everyone participate for playing or supporting – read yelling. May be next time, in the next 3 years. I’m looking forward to the next reunion – HAPKA XV.

Halal bi halal

No body can exactly tell the meaning of those words. Halal itself means something that religiously can be eaten or utilized, such as eating meats from animals slaughtered with Islamic way or sleeping with a woman that you have married. Halal bi halal in Indonesia means an event that we gather with people from our social networking to ask for forgiveness in relation to celebrating Lebaran day that just has past. You could see, there is no relation at all of the real meaning of Halal word with Halal bi halal activities. In an other word, we are creating our own wording for our own meaning.

Shakespeare said “what is a name?”, so whatever the meaning of Halal bi halal is, most of Indonesians love this words as we are having this kind of gathering event each year after Lebaran day. That is the time when we can meet, hug, shake hands and eat together with our friends or long unseen old friends, colleagues or ex-colleagues, business partners, bosses stored inside glassy boxes, securities and everyone that has connection with our life. The wider social networking you have, the higher status you have in your society or office or political parties, the more Halal bi halal invitations to be attended, and the more fat accumulation you have in your stomach since big feasts is a must. To date, I have attended 4 Halal bi halal events, the one with my colleagues, with other foresters, with high school friends and with my nature lover group. And there will be more to come.

Halal bi halal also functions as a reunion. It is the best reason to arrange a reunion where we can meet all of the old friends. Seeing how they change a lot. Asking how life is. In Halal bi halal with the members of my university’s nature lover group last Sunday (see the picture - these are people I have not met for about 20 years), a friend of mine was amazed seeing how I totally changed. For him, when we were in university, I was such a small, tiny, dark, ugly and smelly girl – I rarely took shower when we had a trip, walked across the jungle or climbed up a mountain. I was 18 years old that time. You could see, most girls will reach the peak of their beauties when they are teenagers. But for me, life begins at 40’s. Wait until I have a boy friend. I promise I will totally change my appearance, what ever the result is.

In the Halal bi halal with foresters from my university, I met an old guy who used to be my partner when we had meeting with other governmental institutions discussing about mining versus protection forests several years ago. As normal with a big smile I asked, “so how is life and where is your position now?”. He said” well, I’m the one who signed for your permit to extend your studying period”. What ? How come? A friend of mine whispered from behind “Retno, he is the director of HRD bureau in our ministry”. Ups. Oh no. It was so embarrassing. After these years away from my office for studying, I’m not up dating information from my office. I felt so stupid. Perhaps, for the whole Ministry of Forestry of Indonesia, I’m the only one who does not know about his central position, as he is the one who decide whether we are appropriate enough to be promoted or not or decide which town in Indonesia for our official placement. Well, I hope after that day he will not consider to officially placing me in a remote area somewhere in East Indonesia. Oh dear.

However, it was not my first time of behaving stupidly. When I enjoyed painting exhibition in Erasmus Huis several years ago, an old guy approached and asked my opinion about the paintings. Frankly, I have a zero understanding how to give artistic value of a painting. But since he needed my opinion, I just said what ever in my mind. I said ”Well, I think the painter does not know how to draw perspective in his painting. All objects have similar size. The painter must be childish too, as his paintings look similar with the ones produced by children”. Suddenly that old guy gave me a lecture about painting value. Who is this guy? I was stunned when I saw from the booklet, that he was the painter who had the exhibition. Oh no. What have I done? To make up with him, I told him that his paintings had color that was different to any paintings that I have ever seen. And soon I vanished.

Back to Halal bi halal. The atmosphere of celebrating Lebaran day will last for a couple months ahead, sometime more. Every day during these months you will see people shake hands and said “How are you? Happy Lebaran day and I’m sorry for everything”, though they have not met for a decade. When formal Halal bi halal event provide food from expensive catering, the one with friends use potluck system where everyone can show off their specialties in cooking certain kind of food. But for me, thank you for the existence of coca cola company.

These couple months are the time for Indonesian people having parties every where. Eating here, eating there. Smiling to everyone. Shake hands at any time. Saying sorry for no reason to any one. I wish this happy atmosphere will remain in people’s hearts throughout the years to come.

Happy Ied Mubarak (Selamat Hari Lebaran)

After fasting for one moth during Ramadhan, on 1st Syawal, Moslem's people all over the world celebrate Ied Mubarak. We call it “the winning day”, since during the Ramadhan month, not only we are not eating during the day, but we also challenge to execute good deeds as much as we can, make gifts as many as we can, go to the mosque for praying as often as we can and say God’s name and read Koran as long as we can. We should also prevent ourselves for any bad actions such as swearing, hurting the others, etc. Ramadhan is also the month that we can make requests to God as many as we can. God promises if we can fulfill what God has ordered, God will multiply our good deeds for hundreds or even thousand times. God will approve our requests, and for sure we will receive God’s mercy. After we pass Ramadhan month, on the Lebaran day or Ied Mubarak, we would be as clean as a baby.

Indonesia, the largest Moslem country, where 90% of its populations are Moslem, off course celebrates this Ied Mubarak. It is the time when all Indonesian people, from all over the world, return to their hometown. Mostly Javanese people, they love to have family gathering during Lebaran day. Mother, father and children will go together to see grandparents and other relatives in other cities. We need to see the others since Lebaran day is the day when we ask forgiveness from others to complete what we have done during the Ramadhan month. The money that they have been collecting during a year will evaporate only for a few days. Each business in Indonesia also has an obligation to offer support funding for celebrating the day that we call THR or tunjangan hari raya.

Some people said that going home for Lebaran celebration is out of our rationalization. How come that the amount of money that they can develop as capital to build further business, use only for individual consumption. New dresses, lots of food, gifts for friends and neighbors are also the complementary things. Plus traveling expenses. It consumes a huge amount of money. Even people abroad who could not get permission to go home from their supervisors will send money to their relatives in Indonesia to celebrate the day which is about 9.1 trillion rupiah this year (MetroTv news). Nevertheless, going home is a tradition. Something that has been infiltrated into people’s mind that this behavior is a must in their society. No matter how expensive it is. Gathering with family is a relief after one stressful year working and struggling for life in other’s people areas. Not only forgiving, they are also eating together, laughing together, doing recreation together with all of the members of the beloved families. On the other hand, going home is a show off on how successful they are during these years.

People will spend money in their hometown. Transportation business will reach their peak of sales. Money itself will be distributed evenly to each corner of the country. Some economic experts say, this phenomenon will strengthen our macro economy condition. I think if we have an event as big as Lebaran day every month, Indonesia will have a stronger economic condition than today. No wonder, there are more and more holidays we have now than a few years before. This will encourage people to travel and distribute money to other places.

Jakarta will be empty during this Lebaran day. It is predicted that almost 3.2 million people will go by train, plus several other millions will take buses, airplanes and ships. Several factories such as traditional medicine factories, offer free bus ride to several towns for people who work for them. Even my office, at the ministry of forestry, offers free buses to several towns in Central Java. Maids from my office colleagues normally take the opportunity. Another phenomenon is, there will be 3.9 million people that will go by motorcycles (Tvone.come). Motorcycle is a cheap vehicle that most people afford to buy. Last year, 74% of the total road accidents were from these motorcycle riders. Irrationally, 5 people rode on it (parents and 3 little children). So you could imagine how dangerous it is, traveling for hundred kilometers with a motorcycle where the whole family are the riders, and where all of around them are giant trucks and buses. So this year, some motorcycle dealers offer a program of going home with motorcycles together. Wives and children will be put in buses where husbands are traveling with his flock of motorcycles. This hopefully will reduce the potential road accidents. Though negatively they will bring more people when they return, during the Lebaran holiday, most people will go and Jakarta will be empty. So empty.

When I was a child, my family was part of these Javanese flocks that went home from Jakarta to their hometown. Father, mother and 6 children. We were not a rich family so we took the cheap standard economic train where people can still go with the train with no seats. They are sleeping all over the train’s floor. In Malang, my mother’s hometown, we stayed at my grandparent house. Though it changes now but to date, I can still remember the old house. Old style of windows and doors, the big kitchen, railway next to the house and the smell of my grandmother medicine oil as she spent time on bed during her last days. At that time, I met all of my cousins, and traveled almost every day including visiting my father’s hometown. The last time I went back to Malang with my parents was during my high school. It was only 4 of us, both of my parents, me and my little sister. My father took us to many of his memorable places during his childhood. A house yard full of Zalacca palm and its fruit, places where my father stole the sugar cane with his friends, and the river where he swam, fished and played around with his boyfriends during his childhood. My father looked very happy showing us all of his memorable places. A few years later, he died.

Grandparents had gone. Father had gone. So far, we celebrate Lebaran day at home and visiting relatives older than my mother and late father, not far away from Jakarta. And also we have relatives visiting us during the day. There will be big feast. Everybody should eat. When the time goes by, people are getting older. Marriages make people visit their spouse’s family than their own. More people move to other towns and less and less people are visiting us. And this year, for the first time, we celebrate Lebaran day in Bogor at my sister’s house. Not in mine, since my home is too small to have the whole family’s members. This must be the most quite Lebaran that we ever have. But hopefully, this will tighten up the closeness of my family’s members.

Happy Ied Mubarak everybody. Please give forgiveness to every mistake that I make, unconsciously or intentionally. Have fun with your families and May God blesses will always be with us each day.

Friends (the CCF gang)

I have several friends during these 10 years that always spend time together. We all are people who took a French class at CCF before. It was in 1999, when I took a French language class at CCF in Kebayoran Baru. I intended to learn French since I need to have my second international language after English. Besides, French sounds so sexy. When you hear someone speak French, they will move every part of their faces. When the lips move sexily, their eyes will approve what lips say. When we say ‘no’ or ‘yes” in English, we can say it flat, but when we say ‘non’ or ‘ui’ in French, feel like my lips and eyes are working together. I am hoping, if I speak French well, I will look a bit sexier.

By the way, the language - that I think - gives the speaker no gesture is German. When I was I in Stuttgart, I went to a local castle. The guide spoke German, though I learned German during high school and but all I remember about the language is only “Ich liebe dich”. The guide made a joke, everyone was laughing. I said nothing as I saw him as a talking mannequin. No smile. No head movement. No gesture at all. What a stiff person.

Back to CCF. I first arrived in Mimma’s class. A young teacher who now works for the French embassy. I had several classes afterwards, but I ended to move back to Mimma’s class. I liked the way Mimma thought and I like her too. She is the most fun person I’ve ever known. When she is around, things will cheer up. When teaching, she played around and made learning a language became a fun thing. There was also another teacher who likes to teach us how to make French cuisines. But on top of that, I have great friends from CCF.

When I have long week end, I often ask my friends from CCF to join me exploring the nature and some are national parks. Way Kambas NP, Pulau Seribu NP, Karimun Jawa NP, Bali Barat NP, Bromo Tengger Semeru NP, Baluran NP, Kapoposang Recreation park, and many others such as exporing Lombok island. Many interesting memories we had together. I, Titis and Yance with several other friends, dived in the beautiful and clean water of Kapoposang, spent over night and had a fish as big as a baby. We barbequed it by using sea water as the ingredient. When I, Titis, Betti and Tantri went to explore Lombok island (see the picture), we ate “plecing” or leafy vegetable every day. When we could not tell the different between dogs and monkeys, we believed that because of the chemical compound of plecing that influenced our consciousness, as we ate it too much. When I and Mimma went to Karimun Jawa NP, we swam naked on the beach and the sensation was superb! Those are only a few memories that we shared together. There are a lot more !!

Our next destinations are Raja empat and Wakatobi NP. But due to my chaotic financial situation at the moment, let me finish my study first then we can have fun again. The good impact of my hobby to explore the nature is encouraging others to manage other trips. Many of them with other friends, managing several trips to Ujung Kulon NP, Ujung Genteng and others. Even Betti, Bambang and others start to travel all over the world. If you need any information about the cheap packages to different countries, ask Betti. Not only traveling, birthday party for a dinner at different restaurants is our moment to see each other. After the dinner we often move to other coffee house to finish the party. I shared my birthday party with Betti, and since Betti has many kinds of credit cards, normally I will find any restaurant that give 50% discount rate for a dinner. That’s something for a student like me, as still we split the bill afterwards. Though I could only eat at certain restaurants at the moment, but I’m glad that my friends comprehend my weaknesses.

In one period in CCF, when the class finished, sometime I and several others continued the class to a local café. Or to my renting place close to CCF at that time, for a cup of coffee or having evening meals. It was a day when I had a class mate who was a hooker. She went there because her boyfriend wanted her to speak French. I make friends with everyone. As long as they are nice to me, I will be nice to them too. I was touched when she said to us that it was the first time for her to have normal friends. I wonder how bad people were treated her. To prove my friendship, she took me to the places where she worked. Tanahmur at Tanah Abang, Jalan Jaksa, some discothèques, where most of her customers were foreigners. I didn’t change my mind. She is still my friend. For me, life is about making a choice. Some people are fortunate enough to make a good life, but some are trapped in long unavoidable misfortunes. Although she graduated from a university, drugs, bad divorce, loosing the only child and family problems were the things that dragged her to become a hooker.

One day she gave me a call wondering whether she had to take a job as a secretary. I encouraged her to take the opportunity, hoping that she would have a better life. I and several friends were also accompanied her in an in interview to become a manager at a local cafe. Good things came to her, more and more. She took an interview with Singapore airlines, and she got the job. Nowadays, she is a customer manager of Singapore airlines in one country somewhere on this globe. I lost contact with her when I lost my cell phone again (it is about 10 times now).

See how her life is changing. I’m learning a lot from her. I’m learning that we have no reason to look down the others. I knew her first as a hooker, the lowest status in our society, even some people are allergic to them. Now she is someone important in Singapore airlines, where only a few people have the quality for her position. We never know how God manages someone’s life. All we can do just appreciating the others and help when we can. Because someone who might has a lower status than us now, perhaps in the future will become someone who will rescue your life.

Everyone needs friends. There will be no life if we have no friends. But it is up to us to whom we make friends. If I have to make a choice between a fancy girl, live in an apartment, but she lies a lot and likes to compete for everything, and a nice hooker that we can spend time together, laughing at the corner of a restaurant, I choose the hooker as my friend. I could not stand with someone who lies a lot and unconsciously betrays the friendship. Whoever they are, because sincerity is something important for me in a friendship. When I have good friends, I love them and I feel that they love me too. And I hope our friendship will last forever.

“Merdeka !” (Indonesia independence day)

Merdeka means freedom. “Merdeka ! Merdeka !” the word was called by everyone that day. It was 17th August 1945, at 10 AM, by our first president – Soekarno - Indonesia declared the country’s freedom from colonialism, 350 years by the Dutch plus three and a half years by Japanese. No more colonialism, no more scares, no more suffer, no more hunger, freedom is now in our hand.

It was a day when the Japanese kidnapped all the girls, any where, every where, at any time. In front of the house, at the market, in the mosque, in the church, on the street. Dragged and compiled them into a truck and kept them in a locked room each to serve the Japanese sexual desires. Everyone was scared to death to save their daughters as well as my grand father. He had 5 girls and 3 of them were teenagers. No father in this world would like to see his daughters to become a bunch of hookers, so did my grandfather. Thus, my grandfather went to the nearest monastery asking the priest to let his daughters to stay in the monastery. He kissed the priest’s feet. He promised anything he could. He would not leave the monastery till the priest gave him his permission to let his girls to stay in.

I hate war. I hate seeing people killing to each other. I even hate war movie. For me, wars leave us nothing but pain and trauma. Why do we have to suffer other’s people life when we can make their life better?. Why do we have to hurt others when we do not want to be hurt? See war in Iraq. Who wins the war and who suffer the most? See Sierra Leone in West Africa. A country produces a high amount and the best diamond in the world. War gives their people nothing but pain and hunger. AFROL.com explains that “since 1991, the country has suffered war, terror and a deep, unrelenting humanitarian crisis which have left it devastated….Between 20,000 and 75,000 people have been killed and thousands mutilated……The worst of it might be that there do not seem to be other motives for this than maintaining control of the rich diamond fields of Sierra Leone”.

See Ethiopia. The Afrol.com says that during the civil war “hundreds of civilians have died in the fighting (the ONLF estimates 2,000 killed by the government in the past year, though one independent estimate suggests the figure is less than half that), and 1.8 million more may be at risk, as an Ethiopian blockade has cut off commercial food shipments from neighboring Somalia and prevented the region's nomadic people from selling their livestock”. The war made people suffering, made people hungry. The war gave the children no future, but instead they were junk food for the condors. You saw that picture, didn’t you? There are more and more news about wars. But I wish there will be no more wars existing in this world.

Back to Indonesia. 17th August every year, besides formal ceremonies in the presidential palace and all government institutions, is the day when people are having fun, forgetting all troubles in this life. There will be games for children and adults, finalized in the evening by musical performances or big feast with everyone in the neighborhood. People are inventing new games for more fun such as play football with wife’s house dress, pillows battle on the river, though there are similar games during these decades such as running is sack, etc. Prizes could be something simple like books and candies for children, or T-shirt for the adults. But fun is the most important thing. Look at the picture. My friend – Sabina Lucia – took the picture of a famous palm tree’s climbing race in Kali Malang. The palm was oiled and placed in the middle of Kali Malang river. There were shirts, trousers, bicycles, attached on it. People smeared sands into their bodies to beat the oil. They were holding to each other to climb the palm. It was reported that 2 hours later, no one succeeded. They kept falling down into the river. More laughing, more fun. The race attracted hundreds of people and had made a long traffic jam. Climbing the oiled palm trees is a common race during our independence day all over Indonesia.

When everyone is having fun, some people are questioning. Is that all? Is it the way we fulfill this freedom? Do we love our country enough? Make the best for it enough? The answer is may be yes, may be not. In my opinion, Indonesian people are varies. There are people who build the rules and implement it in the right ways to make this country better. There are people who play around with rules to fulfill their own ambitions for power or money. And there are people who even do not realize there are rules existed. 1998 was a critical time in the country when Soeharto’s regime - the government at that time - fell down after more than 30 years governed the country with his iron hands. Euphoria of freedom rose. Everyone was eagerly struggling to reach the goals, in the name of reformation. Chaotic situation occurred. In my working field, many national parks were invaded by people who claimed that it was their land forcedly taken by Soeharto’s before. The worst I saw when I was in Tanah Bumbu, South Borneo. Along the motorway, I saw hundreds of illegal trucks with coal inside. According to our national regulation, mining trucks should not be on the public road by any reasons. In that area illegal coal mining is the main problem but seemed no one did nothing. I heard from the TV news, a teacher was beaten to death by local gangsters as he complained about the dust and noisiness produced by the coal trucks. What a reformation.

Afterwards, people during Soeharto’s era started to gain their power again now, when things are getting worse, less money available, less jobs, less food. Reformation in reality do not give people in general a better life unless for some individuals. People are memorizing the plenty of food available during Soeharto’s era, and they selected those people again. Selecting our leaders - nationally, provincially, locally - directly is something new for us. Although, as I wrote before, people are attracted more to appearance than the quality. But this is the process of democratization. People are learning. But I remember a Malysian guy said on TV “Melayu people are people who easily forgetting things. If you make troubles. Stay away for sometime, abroad if necessary. Then people will forget your mistakes”. No wonder more and more people from the past are having their political power again now. I’m wondering, if I make mistake someday, I’ll do the same. Why not ?

With freedom in our hands in 1945, we build our country. Though we are far behind India (1947), Malaysia (1957), Singapore (1965), for the country’s economy and technology development, but we never stop to love our country. Let me quote my friend’s note – Agus Sari : “Not because we won the war. Not because we were given freedom. But because we love it. Because we can do something to it. Make it better. Love it. Short negligence or ignorance, some apparent weaknesses, are not a way to disown or to deny the love. Have a great independence day, Indonesia”. And I could not agree more.

Feel stressful ? No way

I went to see a good friend of mine today. She went to hospital for several days after having a very bad vertigo. She went through many medical checks, eg. EEG, blood check, etcetera. It was found that there is a minor imbalance in her brain which is caused by many reasons, especially her diet. But from our conversation, I found out that her burden of getting through many obstacles in her daily routine is the main cause of her sickness. Both of her children went to high school and junior high school. We all know that there is a very tight competition amongst students in Jakarta to get into a good school. This makes many parents feel worry about their children. Last year, when my niece was expelled twice from the selected high school, my mother had a very high blood pressure. There are also some issues in her office that absorbed much of her energy. All this stressful feeling mounted little by little, then it exploded till she got vertigo and went to hospital.

It is very humanly that we feel stressful. When we realize that there are so many obstacles or when things turn out to be different to our expectations, that is when this feeling begins. People will react differently to handle this stressful feeling. Some will eat a lot, sleep a lot, sing a lot, scream a lot, cry a lot or even laugh a lot. Or just like my friend, say nothing but then suddenly go to a hospital. Which one is yours ?

Long time a go, when I faced failures that made me to feel stressful, I slept a lot and I cried a lot. And I also did a lot of fasting. Fasting itself is a kind of my family rituals. Each member of my family loves fasting. But I realized that all I can do is just facing everything and hope God will always stay besides me. Though I was so nervous, but I kept pushing myself to be a strong person. When time goes by, at the moment, I don’t recognize the word “failure”. The word “failure” is no more existed in my life. When my plan does not turn out to be what I expected, it means that God says “I have a better plan for you, Retno”. At least I have 2 important events that make me behaving like this.

Faculty of forestry was my second choice when I was in the university. The first one was department of agricultural machinery. I felt so sad that time, till I had a dream. In my dream, I walked under the trees’ canopies. It was after the rain and the sun light dispersed between leaves of the canopies. Most of photos or paintings that describe the beauty of forest would have this kind of pictures. But the most important thing is, I felt so happy in that dream. When I woke up, I felt that God just had a conversation with me. And now look at me. I work for protected areas. I will do everything to keep our natural resources maintained. I will make people to realize the importance to keep this world undamaged. When all the ecosystems are in balance, so do our life. If I went to agricultural machinery, I might would have been worked in a factory now. Making pollution to this world instead of making it clean. I would have a horrible life. Thanks God for sending me to faculty of forestry.

The second event was when my plan to go to US for my master degree was cancelled. I had my flight ticket in hand already. Suddenly, things were just blown up due to some administrative reasons. I was so stressful. I even felt the pain when I touched my head. I had it for almost a year. When all problems solved, I met a friend, Prof. Charles Santiapillai. An elephant expert who was also the director of WWF Indonesia at that time. He was wondering if I would like to do my master degree in UK. I said “sure, I would like to”. Then he gave me a piece of paper to be taken to the British Council. In that office I was interviewed for about 2 hours. After the interview, the guy at the BC said “Retno, you are the luckiest person in Indonesia. We’ve been trough selections for our scholarships in all over in Indonesia since February – it was in December. But there is still one place available, and fortunately, it is exactly for your field of interest. So Retno, welcome to the BC”. What ? That easy ? Unbelievable. It seemed like that the scholarship was just there for me. It was empty until I came by to pick up what belongs to me. So God has another plan for me.

Now I understand why I have to go to UK. You know I love travelling. Studying in UK enabled me to travel to many countries in Europe. Visiting many friends. Feeling the atmosphere of different countries, different faces, different cultures ! I felt so happy. I also have a very strong British accent when I speak English. This accent makes me to be accepted in particular group of people. Paul - my best friend from RARE - said that my accent belongs to the upper class society in UK. Once people speak to me, they will recognize that I’m coming from a good family with a good education. No wonder when I was in a seminar of oil companies’ participation in environmental conservation, at Twin Towers, Kuala Lumpur, during the dinner I shared table with the CEO of those oil companies, when my boss was seated far away at the back of the room. I said to the committee” why should I have to sit here ? I’m not an important person”. But the British guy from the committee insisted that I was important. When I had an interview with fullbright, the interviewers were wondering why I have such a strong accent. And I said “when I was in UK, I had a British boy friend. We might kissed too much”. Studying in UK also enabled me to stop by in Mecca for my “Umroh” on the way back home to Indonesia.

So now I have no reason to feel stressful anymore. No doubt there are problems in our daily life. Financial problem, family problem, education problem – this is my main problem now. But I know that every time I successfully pass a problem, I become a stronger person. And when thing does not turn out to be what I wanted, God has a better plan for me. For my better future.